Today I will just write of arresting stupid people. Now many of those I arrested were dumber than a box of rocks but these were special. I don’t think they even realized how dumb they were.

Our first hero was arrested at his home on a bench warrant. His wife let us in to the house. He was in bed. When we woke him up he stood up on the bed. With fists raised. It was a terrible sight. He was about six foot tall and an easy three and a quarter. He didn’t not have a lot of muscle. He actually looked a bit like the Pillsbury dough boy. So much fat it looked like he didn’t even have bones just rolls of bouncing flab.

He stood up there in his tighty whiteys which although exceedingly tighty were not very whitey. He attempted to frighten my partner and I with his display of fat and streaked underwear. It was not very intimidating.

He yelled that he was not under arrest. He was not going with us. He was not going to jail. He was spitting and slobbering all the while. Now it was my turn. I held up the paper and said “This is a Bench Warrant. A Bench Warrant is a Court Order. It is not a court suggestion. You are under arrest. You are coming with us. You are going to jail. The only questions are will we be stopping at the hospital on the way to the jail and will you be wearing pants as we take you out or will you go in your dirty drawers?”

He looked at me and said” You can’t do that.” I told him “I can and I will. I will drag your fat ass out of here in your drawers. I will take you to the hospital to get stitched up. Then you will still go to jail. He decided to put pants on and walk out unmarked.

Moron number two was arrested for burglary at Bushwick High School.   We had a recorded alarm and as we showed up so did the custodian. He opened the side door and there was our burglar. He was walking towards us backwards. We just stood there and as he reached us I grabbed him. He turned to me and said “Oh, can’t I go in?” I smacked him in the head and said “What is this the Three Stooges?” This of course must be fiction because anyone who worked with me knows I would never, ever smack someone upside his head for something like that. Right? He then admitted he was in the school but claimed he only went in when he found a window that must have been opened by someone else. All he did was go swimming in the pool. The custodian said there is no water in the pool. Our quick thinking genius then said no wonder it hurt when I dove in. Smack number two. Fiction again, I was a non-violent saint on patrol.

Well that’s it for now. I could go on and on and dumber and dumber but I don’t want to make this too long.

Today I am writing some memories of the Holiday season in Red Hook. I say Holiday instead of Christmas because I will be going from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Eve.

There were eight of us in the family so I always remember the giant turkeys on Thanksgiving. I don’t know where my mother found them but they were always at least twenty eight pounds the biggest I can remember was around thirty two or three. We always had at least one or two more people there. Thanksgiving memories also always include the March of the Wooden Soldiers on channel nine. There was always a lot of laughter and food. People stopping by all day.

Christmas Eve always started with Midnight Mass. Visitation Church in all her glory with the flowers in the front of the church. The choir singing and Father Maroney at the altar. That’s the first thing I think of when I think of a Red Hook Christmas. I also think of our giant Christmas trees. We always got our from Bonacore’s (spelling?)on Van Brunt Street. We would have to get the biggest tree because the ceilings in the apartment were over twelve feet. A normal tree looked like a bush in there. With eight of us and usually my cousin Richie or Herman as we always called him, we also needed plenty of room under the tree for presents.

I can’t think of Christmas without thinking of Charley Sims. His grocery store always had these huge toys displayed on a high shelf to your right as you entered his store. Why he had such large toys in a grocery store I don’t know. It seemed normal back then. Bonacore’s grocery with all the Christmas trees outside. Skinny Andy everyone had ornaments from his store. It was a Christmas tradition. It wasn’t Christmas unless something was there from Skinny Andy’s.  Again people would always be stopping by. I don’t think anyone called back then you just stopped in. Red Hook was a neighborhood where everyone always seemed to feel welcome.

New Year’s Eve in Red Hook was a mob scene. My parents like many other families back then set out a spread of food and drink. There was plenty of food of all different kinds. There was also plenty to drink soda, beer, wine and a large assortment of the hard stuff. Our door would stand open all night. People would be stopping in to wish everyone a Happy New Year. Many carried their own glasses with them. They were making the rounds. It wasn’t only our house set up like that. There were many back then. People would go from house to house. There were at least a dozen on just our one block of Coffey St. I would bet a few hundred people would stop by during the night. The whole neighborhood was one big party and everyone was invited. Just grab a glass stop in anywhere. Everyone was always welcome.

This week it is forty years since the last man walked on the moon. I remember when Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin first walked on the moon. The whole world watched amazed that the Americans had done it. We were the unquestioned leaders in manned space exploration. I watched as each group of astronauts followed in Armstrong’s footsteps. I felt bad when the last Apollo mission ended but thought, we will be back there again in a few years. We never did make it back.

I thought the space shuttle would be used to ferry the pieces up to low earth orbit from there I thought we would get back to the moon and on to Mars. It never happened. The rest of the world started catching up in space. We did have the shuttle and it was the only reusable space craft. The shuttle got old and the program ended. We were supposed to have a craft by the time the shuttle was retired. It never happened..

The United States has been reduced from the unquestioned leader in space to having a manned space program the equal of Zaire.  We pay the Russians to take Americans up to the International Space Station because we now lack the means to get them there. The Russians have called us parasites for leeching on their manned program. Canaveral and the area around it are rapidly becoming ghost towns But all is not lost soon we may be able to hitch rides with the Europeans, the Japanese or the Chinese. Hell even the North Koreans are talking about having a manned space program. So soon we will have many ways to get into space. All we have to do is swallow our pride and beg.

Today’s blog is about the differences between TV cops and real life. First thing I want to know where they get their bullets. Three shots into a car and it explodes. When they shoot someone the person flies back like they were hit with a truck. Now if the bullet hits the bad guy with that much force why aren’t the cops thrown back from the recoil. I think Mr. Newton might have something to say about that.

Another thing the hero cop gets shot in the shoulder. They must have big shoulders. They are always getting shot there. What I want to know is who is their doctor. They take the bullet out and the hero doesn’t miss a day. He has a bandage for a couple of hours and he is healed.

They must have the same doctor for their fights because their cuts and bruises heal and are gone in twenty minutes at most. They also have knockdown drag out fights that last for a minutes both sides taking many punches to the face and body but when the fights over no one is ever tired. When I have been in those type fights. They were shorter and I was exhausted when they were done and the black and blues stayed for days.

They also do stupid things. The hero and his partner are looking for the suspect. They see him across the street. He doesn’t see them so they yell over to him and advise they are the police. The way I remember it we would try to grab him before he knew we were there. And CSI, I know forensics has advanced a lot since I was on the job but not that much. I mean The CSI tech searches a cheap motel room and finds a hair that doesn’t belong to the victim. He announces it like it’s a big deal. Hell some of the cheap motel crime scenes I have been at I wouldn’t have been surprised if they found hair from a yeti. They also find semen on the sheets and give each other knowing looks. Hell if they shine that light on the ceiling they will probably find semen there too. They could run DNA and find three hundred different strands there including a hobbit.

Anyway that’s enough for now. I will go into some of the other stupid stuff some other time.

After my last blog someone asked me about the Pioneer Movie Theater.  If I ever went there I was too young to remember. But I do remember some other theaters that have since joined the Pioneer in Theater heaven.

My favorite was the Clinton. I used to love to go there for the Saturday matinees. They would have two movies, twenty five cartoons, a serial chapter and five shorts. The shorts were usually the Three Stooges. We would stop in the little place nearby and get candy to bring in. It was cheaper there. After the movies with the money we saved we would stop at Larsen’s and buy cakes, cookies or donuts and eat them on the way home.

There was also the Avon it was the smallest of them all. It was also the dirtiest. I think the floor was still sticky from sodas that were spilled when my father was a kid. At least I hope it was from soda. A lot of people complained that the screen was too small. It was smaller than what we were used to. But it was bigger than the screens in all these multiplexes that are around now. I hear kids now saying they would rather see something on the big screen. Unless it is IMAX They are not seeing a big screen.

The Prospect and the Metropolitan Theaters were different. They were beautifully designed movie palaces. Originally used for live acts. They were pieces of history that we have allowed to fade away in time.

Last of those I will mention today was the Paramount. The Paramount should have been designated a national landmark and kept open. Not only was it another incredible movie palace it also had a large part in the history of Rock and Roll. They should turn it into a Rock and Roll museum. Some of the greatest Rock and Roll and Doo Wop shows of all time were held there. So I’ll sign off now as I remember Murray the K and his swinging Soiree and Bruce Morrow and all his cousins.