Archive for April 2014

Past Midnight for a Bushwick Cinderella   1 comment

Midnight clockOne midnight a woman came in to report her daughter missing.
I asked her, “How old is your daughter?”
“Twenty two”
“It’s midnight Friday night. That’s not really late, your daughter is an adult maybe she just went out with friends after work for a couple of drinks.”
She got pissed at me.
“Are you saying my daughter is a drunken tramp? She would never stay out this late.”
“It’s only midnight if there’s no reason to believe she is in danger we can’t take a report after only a few hours.”

“My daughter is a good girl. She comes home right after work. She is not some prostitute out all hours of the night. I want you to get out there and find her.”
“Okay, Let me talk to the Sergeant and see what we can do.”
I told Sergeant Capp what was going on.
“Unless you can find a reason to file it. Just take the information. Tell her if she doesn’t hear from her daughter by seven to call us back and we’ll file it. That’s the best I can do. If she doesn’t like it too bad.”
I went back and explained the situation. She was not happy but accepted it because I told her if she didn’t the Sergeant would just tell her to come back in two days.
I got the information for the report the daughter’s name, address, height, weight etc. Then I started looking for anything I could use to file the report just to get her out of there.
“Do you have any reason to believe she is in danger?”
“What do you mean?”
“Has she been hanging out with any bad people?”
“NO, I told you she is a good girl. You keep talking about her like she is a tramp.”
“I’m sorry I have to ask the questions. Does she have any mental problems or limitations?”
“Now you’re calling her crazy or retarded. She is a very smart girl.”
“Does she have any physical problems?”
“Like what?
“Does she need any drugs?”
“Now you’re saying she is a junkie.”
“No, No, I meant like insulin. Is she diabetic?”
“Oh, no.”
“Is she epileptic?”
“Epileptic? Shit no, She’s a Baptist.”
With that I sent her home saying I will call in the morning.
I called the mother at 7:30 and she advised the daughter came home at 6. She had spent the night with a co-worker. The guy at the next desk. Somehow the mother believed it was my fault.


Posted April 14, 2014 by kevingcox in Random Thoughts

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Monkey Misadventure   Leave a comment

PatrolOn their last 4×12 tour Harry and Sean got a call about a monkey in a vacant lot on Myrtle and Evergreen. When they arrived a large group had gathered. The agitated crowd was pointing at the lot and yelling to the cops as they exited their sector car.
Sean hushed the crowd and picked one woman to speak to.
“What’s going on where’s the monkey?”
“It’s in the lot. I saw it running around. I was so scared. I thought it would come out after me. I saw where it’s hiding.”
She pointed to a door lying atop one of the piles of trash in the lot.
“The monkey is under that door. Watch out for it. It looks dangerous.”
With a smug smile Sean said, “Relax lady, I got this. It’s just a monkey not King Kong.”
Sean thought it really doesn’t take too much to get these assholes excited. I’ve seen plenty of spider monkeys running around here. It’s no big deal. I got my heavy leather gloves and a horsehide leather uniform jacket. I’ll just grab the little bastard and toss him into this bag. No problem, these assholes expecting a big show are going to be disappointed today.
Sean crept to the door. He could hear the monkey underneath. He scanned the crowd and shook his head. They were oohing an aahing like he was doing something amazing, idiots. Sean grasped the door with his left hand. He looked up and waved to the crowd. Smiling he threw the door up and snatched at the little spider monkey.
Unfortunately there was no little spider monkey there. The crowd was right to be excited. Sean was the asshole today.
His hand stopped about an inch from the meanest set of teeth he had ever seen. It felt like one of those old cartoons come to life. Sean was sure his eyeballs popped six inches out of his head. It wasn’t a spider monkey it was a mandrill, a baboon. We have all seen them in pictures and at the zoo. They really are kind of cute with the bright reds and blues on their face.
However Sean discovered a mandrill is much bigger and nowhere near as cute when there are no bars between you and it. They were inches apart, face to face, eye to eye. It looked to Sean like someone had stuck the muzzle of the biggest meanest Doberman pinscher to the face of a gorilla. It had its mouth open wide enough to bite Sean’s head off baring fangs that seemed about two inches long.
Both Sean and the mandrill screamed. It like an enraged beast and Sean like a twelve year old girl. A little caveman in the back of Sean’s head was screaming. RUN! He took the advice and was off like a shot. Up a tree in that vacant lot in about two seconds.
Then it occurred to him why the hell was he climbing a tree when being chased by a monster monkey. He dove out of the tree onto a warehouse roof rolled over and pulled his gun. The mandrill had just pulled the door back and hid.
When he could breathe again he climbed down. Sean managed the walk of shame past the amused crowd with as much dignity as he could muster up. When Harry stopped laughing he had called for Emergency Service to come with a tranquilizer gun. It took three darts from Emergency Service to put that thing out. They took him away, where he went Sean never asked. They did say he was doing ok and should be fine.
Word spread rapidly through the division of Sean’s monkey misadventure. For the rest of the night Tarzan yells, monkey calls and some moron singing the theme song from the old King Kong cartoon blasted from the radio every time he answered a call.
Many people have told Sean the mandrill was more scared of him then he was of it. Sean didn’t believe that was possible then and still doesn’t. Sean would always hate Tarzan movies.

No Fort Surrender   3 comments

83 pctHarry and Sean got there at the same time. They were talking as they walked to work. As he turned the corner Harry saw there a crowd gathered in front of the station house. The two pushed their way through. Sergeant Capp met them at the door.
“Upstairs now. Get right back down hats and bats.”
They ran to the locker room.
The cops coming down were told to assemble in the muster room. No one was to look out the windows or put on helmets unless ordered to. As each member of the midnight tour came in they were given the same orders. The members of the conditions car who work out of uniform were told to put their uniforms on.
Everyone was asking what was going on. Lt. Johnson came in and briefed them.
“Anti-Crime has arrested a Gypsy cab driver for an Armed Robbery of his passengers. They have him upstairs in the Squad Room. We now have Gypsy cab drivers from all over Brooklyn coming to the precinct demanding we let the perp go. That is not going to happen.”
I guess they thought they could get away with this because a South Brooklyn Precinct had allowed a group to invade the station house just a few weeks before. They would be known for years as Fort Surrender. The mob ransacked and trashed the Command. The cops were ordered to allow it. Many cops requested transfers so they would not be associated with the place.
When the three-thirty to eleven-thirty crew came in Capp was outside yelling orders.
“Get inside. Don’t start any trouble. If you start anything you will lose ten days vacation.”
They came in grumbling. No one wanted to be the next Fort Surrender. As they walked in Lt. Johnson gave them the orders we got.
“Be right back down Hats and Bats.”
Finally when all the cops from both tours were assembled with hats and bats Capp came to his assembled troops.
“I told you people not to start anything with them. I am glad you all followed orders. There are over a hundred cabs out there. They have both Wilson Ave and DeKalb Avenue blocked. I am going outside now to ask them to move their vehicles. If they refuse, I will start the trouble. Assemble in front of the desk. The Eight-three is not now and never will be another Fort Surrender.”
He got a standing ovation.
Sergeant Capp went out and stood at the top step of the precinct. The crowd was yelling at him.
“You are to disperse or you will be arrested.”
One man who appeared to be the leader walked up to Capp.
“You let our man go or we will go in and take him. You got ten seconds, ten, nine…”
Capp shook his head and walked in, Capp’s driver handed him his helmet and nightstick. Capp turned and opened both front doors of the precinct wide and stepped out.
The man stopped his countdown at four and gaped at Sergeant Capp. Capp dropped him with his nightstick turned and yelled.
The cops charged from the station house giving a yell that would have made Stonewall Jackson proud.
There were now about two hundred drivers there and just over a hundred cabs. When they saw cops streaming out the door they tried to run. Few were fast enough to avoid getting smacked. Windows were smashed out of the cabs. Drivers dropped where they stood. The fight lasted only about two minutes.
Sgt. Capp blew his whistle and all fell in assembled in ranks at the foot of the station house steps. The street in front of the station house was littered with blood and glass. Capp again went to the top step. He looked at the cabbies and announced
“You have two minutes to get the hell off my street. Any of you shitheads we find hanging around after that will be arrested and sent to the hospital. Do I make myself clear?”
They ran to their cabs and were gone. They found out they had made a mistake. Instead of Fort Surrender they found Fort Fuck You.
When Sergeant Capp came back in all standing there in ranks. Lt. Johnson gave the order to present arms. Both platoons snapped to attention and saluted Sergeant Capp. He gave the orders and led the way into the fight. At that moment if he had said he was going to Gracie Mansion for a Coup D’état, they would have followed him.

Marion Harmon, A Writer in Vegas.

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