Monkey Misadventure   Leave a comment

PatrolOn their last 4×12 tour Harry and Sean got a call about a monkey in a vacant lot on Myrtle and Evergreen. When they arrived a large group had gathered. The agitated crowd was pointing at the lot and yelling to the cops as they exited their sector car.
Sean hushed the crowd and picked one woman to speak to.
“What’s going on where’s the monkey?”
“It’s in the lot. I saw it running around. I was so scared. I thought it would come out after me. I saw where it’s hiding.”
She pointed to a door lying atop one of the piles of trash in the lot.
“The monkey is under that door. Watch out for it. It looks dangerous.”
With a smug smile Sean said, “Relax lady, I got this. It’s just a monkey not King Kong.”
Sean thought it really doesn’t take too much to get these assholes excited. I’ve seen plenty of spider monkeys running around here. It’s no big deal. I got my heavy leather gloves and a horsehide leather uniform jacket. I’ll just grab the little bastard and toss him into this bag. No problem, these assholes expecting a big show are going to be disappointed today.
Sean crept to the door. He could hear the monkey underneath. He scanned the crowd and shook his head. They were oohing an aahing like he was doing something amazing, idiots. Sean grasped the door with his left hand. He looked up and waved to the crowd. Smiling he threw the door up and snatched at the little spider monkey.
Unfortunately there was no little spider monkey there. The crowd was right to be excited. Sean was the asshole today.
His hand stopped about an inch from the meanest set of teeth he had ever seen. It felt like one of those old cartoons come to life. Sean was sure his eyeballs popped six inches out of his head. It wasn’t a spider monkey it was a mandrill, a baboon. We have all seen them in pictures and at the zoo. They really are kind of cute with the bright reds and blues on their face.
However Sean discovered a mandrill is much bigger and nowhere near as cute when there are no bars between you and it. They were inches apart, face to face, eye to eye. It looked to Sean like someone had stuck the muzzle of the biggest meanest Doberman pinscher to the face of a gorilla. It had its mouth open wide enough to bite Sean’s head off baring fangs that seemed about two inches long.
Both Sean and the mandrill screamed. It like an enraged beast and Sean like a twelve year old girl. A little caveman in the back of Sean’s head was screaming. RUN! He took the advice and was off like a shot. Up a tree in that vacant lot in about two seconds.
Then it occurred to him why the hell was he climbing a tree when being chased by a monster monkey. He dove out of the tree onto a warehouse roof rolled over and pulled his gun. The mandrill had just pulled the door back and hid.
When he could breathe again he climbed down. Sean managed the walk of shame past the amused crowd with as much dignity as he could muster up. When Harry stopped laughing he had called for Emergency Service to come with a tranquilizer gun. It took three darts from Emergency Service to put that thing out. They took him away, where he went Sean never asked. They did say he was doing ok and should be fine.
Word spread rapidly through the division of Sean’s monkey misadventure. For the rest of the night Tarzan yells, monkey calls and some moron singing the theme song from the old King Kong cartoon blasted from the radio every time he answered a call.
Many people have told Sean the mandrill was more scared of him then he was of it. Sean didn’t believe that was possible then and still doesn’t. Sean would always hate Tarzan movies.


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